Sensitive 3 | Brainfreeze
(part 3/4)
No you can't..
You could never..
Presentation is next week and I've been rehearsing for almost 3 weeks straight.
Abnormally, I couldn't remember anything I've memorized yesterday. Or the day before. Or an hour just now. Just like the title of my homework, I'm brainfreezed. lt simply gone.. That prior to the last day of preparation, I decided to just move on to the next slide till the last and cut out most phrases eventhough it was compelling to share with. Focusing more on the animation did I? Whats definite was the making of songs and rythms.. Hoping to advance .
As I stood up in front of the class, as if it was destinated, I couldn't remember anything .
It was the same for exams and everything. My studies have been worst than ever. It felt even worst when I just knew I could do it. It wasn't extreme hard. With studies, I could've scored. With so much hardwork poured, at least not that too much of disgrace. It's not like I'm slacking off. The substantial effort I've put in doesn't match the result at all.
But studying wont help in this matter . The memories.. I couldn't retained.. The understanding was impossible to acquire.
It sucks. It just sucks.. Even sucker when prof labelled you literally as stupid. Especially Mr. F . Other profs as well I'm sure.. They're just consedering enough not to make it obvious like he did .
Well, despite all of those, I felt awesome with the lowest weight I've ever been in my life. I could do 20 push-ups non-stop with ease and did the handstand. Which both I thought were not meant for me. The light body I only dreamt of having (even right now when I'm writing this) was achievement unlocked. -OMG moment wkwkwk- . But you know what.. One of the biggest lesson I've learned is: Being slimmer doesn't make you feel slimmer. And on top of that, doesn't guarantee your happiness. Despite being under 50, I still felt so fat . And worst, I still felt horrible with my unstable mind.
Food was my greatest nemesis on the moment. I've lost my appetite so I've ate almost nothing in a day. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. As the saying goes, I literally ate one a day and nothing more. But after the clinic visits, I started to force myself to eat a little extra.
Well.. I've lost the feeling of fullness. Thus, I dont know when to stop. Or did I've ate enough. Already felt so much pressure in my stomach, stuffing them with an egg sandwiches on day 1. Even with just that amount, I've gained my weight back tremendously. I did that for a week and I've already gained 4kg.. How it is possible? Instantly, I was frightened by the scale.
Despite looking forward to euphoria, I was scared of loosing..
.. My current figure .
No you can't..
You could never..
Presentation is next week and I've been rehearsing for almost 3 weeks straight.
Abnormally, I couldn't remember anything I've memorized yesterday. Or the day before. Or an hour just now. Just like the title of my homework, I'm brainfreezed. lt simply gone.. That prior to the last day of preparation, I decided to just move on to the next slide till the last and cut out most phrases eventhough it was compelling to share with. Focusing more on the animation did I? Whats definite was the making of songs and rythms.. Hoping to advance .
As I stood up in front of the class, as if it was destinated, I couldn't remember anything .
It was the same for exams and everything. My studies have been worst than ever. It felt even worst when I just knew I could do it. It wasn't extreme hard. With studies, I could've scored. With so much hardwork poured, at least not that too much of disgrace. It's not like I'm slacking off. The substantial effort I've put in doesn't match the result at all.
But studying wont help in this matter . The memories.. I couldn't retained.. The understanding was impossible to acquire.
It sucks. It just sucks.. Even sucker when prof labelled you literally as stupid. Especially Mr. F . Other profs as well I'm sure.. They're just consedering enough not to make it obvious like he did .
Well, despite all of those, I felt awesome with the lowest weight I've ever been in my life. I could do 20 push-ups non-stop with ease and did the handstand. Which both I thought were not meant for me. The light body I only dreamt of having (even right now when I'm writing this) was achievement unlocked. -OMG moment wkwkwk- . But you know what.. One of the biggest lesson I've learned is: Being slimmer doesn't make you feel slimmer. And on top of that, doesn't guarantee your happiness. Despite being under 50, I still felt so fat . And worst, I still felt horrible with my unstable mind.
Food was my greatest nemesis on the moment. I've lost my appetite so I've ate almost nothing in a day. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. As the saying goes, I literally ate one a day and nothing more. But after the clinic visits, I started to force myself to eat a little extra.
Well.. I've lost the feeling of fullness. Thus, I dont know when to stop. Or did I've ate enough. Already felt so much pressure in my stomach, stuffing them with an egg sandwiches on day 1. Even with just that amount, I've gained my weight back tremendously. I did that for a week and I've already gained 4kg.. How it is possible? Instantly, I was frightened by the scale.
Despite looking forward to euphoria, I was scared of loosing..
.. My current figure .
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