Mistik.

  Jarak kampung dari rumah memang sangatlah jauh.Yelah,rumah kat Perak kampung pula kat Kelantan.Pukul 4.00 petang kitorang pon bertolak.Tiba-tiba dah pukul 10.00 malam dah.Time tu kitorang dekat jalan likuk2.Rasa macam ada kereta kitorang je time tu.Siang tadi,ibu bawa kereta,malam papa pula bawa.   Time tengah bawa tu,semua orang dah pengsan,dah tidurlah maknanya.Kakak je sorang teman Papa.Tiba-tiba najah terjaga sebab Papa brek mengejut.Papa cakap dia nampak ada budak perempuan dengan mak dia tengah berdiri betul2 atas jalan.Bahaya betul kalau brek macam tu.Biasalah bila bawa kereta,mulalah rasa mengantuk,Papa pon nak minum air kopi.Dekat dalam jalan hutan tu,adalah satu kedai makan ni.Tapi macam pelik juga tiba2 je ada kedai dekat jalan hutan tu.Tapi sebabkan papa tengok ramai orang,papa pon pergilah juga sebab nak minum kopi.   Ramailah orang kat situ.Lepas Papa minum kopi,sambunglah balik perjalanan kitorang.Waktu papa bawa kereta tu,papa nampak kereta depan tu ...

Selalukan kalau gaduh dengan orang je mesti sebab ada salah faham antara kita dengan orang tu.Macam mana boleh salah faham ye? Okay,salah faham ni berlaku bila masing-masing taknak buka mulut and just buat conclusion sendiri je.Dua2 tak tanya antara satu sama lain.Moreover,ada pula yang suka sangat jadi batu api.Yang jadi batu api pula kalau boleh cerita tu nak havoc je.Boleh pula ikut suka dia je menambah-nambah cerita.Ada yang lagi dahsyat,dia tukar terus cerita tu.Yelah,nak bagi rasa sedap bila cerita.Baru bestkan.   Tapi,hakikatnya dia tak tahu yang dia telah buat orang lain gaduh teruk sebab mulut dia tu.Sebab tu orang kata,mulut ni lah punca utama ramai orang masuk neraka.Ha! Jaga2.Okeylah,biar najah cerita sikitlah about my experience dengan salah faham ni.Okey,waktu tingkatan 1 memang takde kawan.Yelah,first year masuk sekolah menengah.Asrama pula tu.Dahlah sebenarnya memang taknak masuk asrama pon.Tapi,ikut jelah sebab ayah suruh.Kalau korang nak tahu,siapa2 je yang first...

Finally, the final.. (part 4/4) The unhappy ending . Life is not your favourite drama with your idolized actor. The extraordinary you were lucky enough to be an extra. -- Influencers be like . In search for enthusiasm, I had been listening to them 24/7 until the end, I was kindda get them. Their speeches & podcasts, tho delivered by different people, same advices were uttered. Reading. Personally, I sincerely think his orange publication was a whole new enlightenment for I love how he played with his words and plot that made me hang around for the next unexpected experience. And.. Writing. I've told my daily doings to my personal Dr, my lovely boyfriend, my diary. Everything from brushing my teeth till I slept over was being scribbled in my notebook along with my classes' notes, listening to my all. He was attentive. Now, I had fun rereading him. Things & people I've forgotten being reminded again with details I can't reach with my core. Can't th...

Memang selalu je dengar cerita hantu dekat makmal sekolah tu.Ada yang kata dengar suara budak nangislah,nampak ada nenek kebayanlah dan macam-macamlah.Biasalah,budak2 sekolah ni memang suka bergosip pasal makmal sekolah.Bila masuk darjah tiga,cikgu pon lantik najah jadi pengawas ICT.Seronoklah,sebab pengawas ICT boleh jaga makmal.Boleh masuk makmal bila2 je.   Tapi,dekat sekolah tu pengawas ICT perempuan tak ramai.Kebanyakannya semua lelaki.Ada satu perkara yang najah tak suka pasal pengawas ICT ni.Sebabnya,pengawas ICT kena bertugas lepas waktu sekolah.Time tu semua budak2 dah balik sekolah.Sampailah ada satu hari ni,giliran najah pula yang kena bertugas.Makmal tu terbahagi kepada dua,makmal A dan makmal B.Najah bertugas dengan lagi sorang kawan najah ni,kawan lelaki.Dia bertugas kat makmal A,najah pula bertugas Kat makmal B.   Okey,buatlah tugas macam biasa,susun kerusi,tutup semua komputer.Waktu tengah buat kerja tu,ada seorang makcik cleaner ni asyik keluar masuk je makm...

(part promisely near to the promising 4 /4) Every chance I'll get, Away from all of everything, I wanted to be left alone.. Even during classes, I went out, suffocated by people, irritated by the noises and surroundings. I couldn't focus with the thoughts and anxiety rulling over me so what's the point of staying? Never was I meant to be rude, skipping out only to aim for some air. Processing the calmness. One time, my heart was pounding so fast (I felt like bursting) that I dashed-out in the middle of a lecture without even the thought of granting the Prof's permission. Tearing at one ends corner, I was totally clueless of the trigger. You felt like everyone is taking you for granted. I felt like they've forgotten, I'm exactly just like them from the same matter.. I too, bleed when i fall down.. -- (Forgotten that our personas weren't sync at the moment).y 'STUPID'. Everytime I've been spitted by the 'S' word, I've felt l...

(part close-to-4/4) By the slightest thing, I've been. . ..real sensitive. And what stinks is that I know I shouldn't be tortured with the words or actions I've interpretated into something harsh (Or maybe it was indeed savage?) . Anyway, the point is, the awareness of "I shouldn't be this particular" impared me. Also, I got clingy . Too clingy. That I loathe myself. Alas, I wasn't able to control the ought to care and to-be-cared so much . I wasn't expecting for reciprocate. But deep deep deep down.. I was hoping.. They would . Imagine the earth-linkings who wouldn't bother and just glad you're collapsing . Surrounded only by family, and closest same-gender friends my whole age, how could I understand a total strangers panorama and vista ? When people treat you the worst at your weakest.. It's not their fault either. If i were them, I would also felt pretty much annoyed and pissed and just wanted to distance myself from my toxi...

(part 3.99/4) If only it was that easy.. I guess obesity won't exist. Our Prophet Muhammad SAW (Peace be upon him) has stated that the stomach is the origin of every disease, and therefore observing a healthy diet is the best method of preventative medicine. But it was close to impossible as the episode of dieting and binging was being played repeatedly. And so was I exhausted.. The weight I've never witness before -- A failure accomplished. The saddest thing is that despite gaining all the weight, I've never regained the only thing I craved for. Despite everything.. I'm still.. Miserable . In search for gaiety and pleasure, I did everything that was supposed to be amusing. Like arcades and outings and all the delights!! Convincing myself, I tried taking parts and laughing to jokes like I've used to. But the ecstasy effect ended there. I wasn't even having them the 1st place. Nada. Just pure grief.. Everything was horribly horrible to me. Maybe t...

Dari Kampar pindah Simpang Pulai.Time tu baru umur 3 tahun.Seronoklah pindah rumah baru.Yelah,besar lepastu dua tingkat pula tu.Tapi,walaupun dah bertahun duduk kat rumah tu,ada satu bilik ni sampai sekarang tak berani nak masuk.Bilik tu bilik hujung sekali.Sekarang bilik tu dah jadi tempat simpan barang papa.Papa selalulah pasang ayat ruqyah dalam bilik tu sebab dia pon takut.   Satu hari ni,Papa suruh najah dengan kakak tolong ambilkan barang dia dalam bilik tu.Kitorang pon memang gaduhlah sebab masing-masing taknak pergi bilik tu.Akhir sekali,dua2 kena marah.Najah dengan kakak pon pergilah bilik tu sama-sama.Bila nak masuk bilik tu kipas dengan lampu terbuka.Time tu dah cuak dah.Tapi rasa selamat sebab Papa tengah pasang zikir.   Masalahnya,barang Papa tu tak jumpa-jumpa.Tengah nak cari tu tiba2 kaset zikir ayah pasang tu tersekat-sekat.Time tu tengah baca 'lailahaillallah' dekat kaset tu.Tapi,tersekat dia lain macam.Bunyi dia jadi 'la la la la la la la la lailahaillal...

(part 3.5/4) I've lost so much. I can't even lose this.. Already lost my psych.. Losing my physique would just mean I've lost everything.. "My lost appetite.. isn't it a gift?", Me -- persuading myself. An opportunity to lose some pounds it is huh? But what's with anatomy? I've gained too quick . I was in a constant battle of gaining back my cloud nine or maintaining my form. Until I sat down brooding and rationalize my circumstances, I decided that I couldn't live like this. Not this way. I've gained nothing from eating rice, burger and fries before. How could I've gained so much by just eating so little in such a short period. Although I knew the culprit was --> Setting my body to a really low calorie, it was hard to choose to press the adjusting switch right back. Because in reality, it was a factory-reset button. In which.. I have to gain it all back.. That just sucks . That immature me decided to maintain her weight so...

(part 3/4) No you can't.. You could never.. Presentation is next week and I've been rehearsing for almost 3 weeks straight. Abnormally, I couldn't remember anything I've memorized yesterday. Or the day before. Or an hour just now. Just like the title of my homework, I'm brainfreezed. lt simply gone.. That prior to the last day of preparation, I decided to just move on to the next slide till the last and cut out most phrases eventhough it was compelling to share with. Focusing more on the animation did I? Whats definite was the making of songs and rythms.. Hoping to advance . As I stood up in front of the class, as if it was destinated, I couldn't remember anything . It was the same for exams and everything. My studies have been worst than ever. It felt even worst when I just knew I could do it. It wasn't extreme hard. With studies, I could've scored. With so much hardwork poured, at least not that too much of disgrace. It's not like I...

-Ian's ultimate don't-u-ever-thinkof-reading diary- Warning!  This document concerns personal affairs that are of little interest to anyone but the author. [29/10/2019, 22:39] Ian: & all of those happend after we've done paragliding on a chinca pretty weather (We could've have chosen the day after; luckily we didnt), and the airbnb was only 5 minutes away from the police station (It could've been further..) . [29/10/2019, 22:40] Ian: Thing is.. What weren't on the police report was exceptional .. Supposely I wasn't the one who's going to drive back but the car weren't moving. I've took over in the midst. Everything seems natural until roughly 20 minutes to our stay. I was singing along but suddenly having the urge to stop doing so . I was quiet in an instant. Holding the steering a little tighter, I started to slow down a little. I wasn't sure why I did what I did. But I believed it was part of our parents' prayers for their l...

part (2/4) All I want is only one.. Ever since the clinic visits, I've googled everything. The old (hopefully equally experienced) doctor prescribed me with tons of medication. To be honest, it's tempting to have it all -- The need to end it so badly. Periodt . I wanted to wake up the very next day with Wirgadium Levio'sa spell being cast on those blues. Lifting up the massive burden in my chest. Anyone in my shoes would feel me.. The emptiness. The gloominess. Surrounded by the unseen black cloud raining. But going to the pharmacy in the mists of backruptcy on that time, I decided to buy just one, out of 7 . Since I'm barely even getting any sleep at night, and Dr. Google told me that sleep is priority to healing, I decided to gobble up those pills first. Unfortunately,. it doesn't work . I'm still wide awake at night. I just can't seem to stop thinking. Maybe I did had "some" sleep. Maybe it's better than nothing. I was expecting myse...

  Hujan lebat sangat time tu.Aku sorang je tinggal kat sekolah.Nak buat macam mana,ayah kerja.Memang ayah selalu ambil lambat pon.Tiba-tiba ada orang tegur 'Nah,ambil ni coklat.'Ya,betul tu.Itulah first time aku ada crush kat seseorang.Tapi malangnya crush aku tu kelas lain.Aku selalu harap supaya dapat satu kelas dengan dia.Hari-hari pergi tandas semata-mata nak lalu sebelah kelas dia je.   Bila naik darjah empat,cikgu pon agihkan kelas mengikut kedudukan dalam kelas.Kebetulan aku dapat satu kelas dengan dia.Bila terserempak je dengan dia memang muka terus jadi merah sebabnya aku ni pemalu sikit.Nak pandang mata dia pon tak boleh.Lebih-lebih lagi dia tu antara budak hot kat sekolah.Memang tak berani langsung nak tegur dia.   Tiba-tiba,satu hari ni cikgu suruh pindah tempat duduk.Cikgu kata kalau perempuan duduk sebelah perempuan dan lelaki dengan lelaki,kelas jadi bising.So,cikgu pon letak tempat duduk perempuan sebelah lelaki.Waktu tu,crush aku tak datang sekolah.Tem...

I was never was... thats why. . for short. To never experienced those misery, I've thought it was just a simple student kind of stress and I've never knew .. it was what it was .. Until one day, when I went to the clinic for a check up as I've lost my period for almost 4 months. Only then I've found out .. All this while.. that was it. The reason. The answer to my question. Why I couldn't sense any kind of happiness.. Not even once . Imagine laughing at a joke . Not because it's funny . But because it's supposed to be . That I've felt guilty.. Because I knew those things which were supposed to be fun. I used to enjoy these and those. But why am I not feeling those excitement now ? Priority just isn't at its places. I hope I could tell in simple words but as u can see.. I couldn't . I couldn't even think straight.. and crying hardly became a daily routine. That sometimes u don't even know why are you even sobbing .. What a...

  Najah yakin ramai yang kat sini pernah rasa macam nak terbuang air kecilkan waktu tengah malam2 buta lagi2 kat asrama.Well,najah pernah.Okey,satu hari ni lepas solat Isya' tak tahulah kenapa tapi rasa mengantuk sangat time tu.So,balik je daripada solat tu najah terus tido.Memang dengan telekung2 najah tido.Bila orang kejut pon tak bangun2.Memang tidur matilah cite ni.   Tengah sedap tidur,najah pon terjaga sebab nak terbuang air kecil sangat.Najah tengok semua orang dah tidur.Nak pergi tandas sorang2 takut.Najah pon kejutlah kawan najah ni.Sebabnya dia cakap kalau nak pergi tandas kejut je dia,katanya dia boleh temankan.Tapi,bila najah kejut tak bangun2.   Sebab dah tak tahan sangat,terpaksalah najah pergi sorang2.Najah pon memang tak henti2 berzikir sepanjang najah lalu kat karidor tu.Dah lah katil najah jauh dengan tandas,aduhai.Bila nak masuk tandas tu,najah dengar macam ada orang tengah basuh baju.Najah rasa macam tak takut sangatlah sebab kadang2 ada je orang berja...

  Senja beralih pergi,malam datang berganti.Masih ku rasa sepi di dalam hati bagaikan tin yang kosong.Jauh ku termenung memikirkan perasaan aku dimana aku sendiri tidak pasti.Badan aku terasa sejuk dan aku yakin bahawa ada mata yang sedang memerhatikan gerak-geriku.   'Siti,jom pergi surau sekali.'Teguran Aina membuat aku tersedar buat seketika.Aku pon bersiap untuk ke surau.Namun kakiku terasa amat berat.Seolah-olah terdapat sesuatu yang amat berat tergantung pada kakiku.'Siti,kau okey tak ni?'Aina tanya dengan penuh kerisauan.Lalu,Aina pon datang mendekatiku. Dia membaca ayat al-Kursi di telingaku lalu menyapu tangannya yang kecil itu di seluruh wajahku.'Thanks,baru aku rasa lega sikit.'Kataku kepada Aina.Namun,sebenarnya aku ternampak seperti terdapat tangan yang dipenuhi ulat dan baunya amat busuk sedang memegang kakiku dengan penuh erat.Seolah-olah tidak mengizinkan aku untuk bergerak walau seinci jaraknya.Aku sedar bahawa hanya aku seorang sahaja yang seda...

  Sebelum ni najah ada cakap tentang cara kita nak tolong rakan yang kena histeria kan.Takpon maksud yang lebih kita faham kena rasuk.Ok,sebenarnya FYI ( for your information )diorang yang kena ni dah rasa- rasa dah macam ada benda dekat dengan diorang sebelum diorang kena tu.   Baik,mula2 orang yang kena ganggu ni dia memang sangat suka keluar waktu senja.Dia bukan nak buat apa pon.Dia duduk termenung.Kadang2 tu dia cakap seorang diri seolah-olah macam memang ada orang yang dia cakap sekali.Najah pernah tau tengok.Memang naik meremang bulu roma masa tu.   Seterusnya,bila korang panggil nama kawan korang tu dia tak jawab pon panggilan korang.Panggillah berpuluh kali pon tapi dia tetap takkan pandang.Kemudian,kalau perasan orang yang kena ganggu ni memang tak suka mandi.Sebabnya jin tu tak bagi dia bersihkan diri.Kadang2 tu terpaksa mandikan sebab diorang ni memang kena paksa baru nak mandi.   Orang yang kena ganggu ni juga dia jadi suka nak marah2.Benda remeh pon nak...

  Perasan tak,kalau sekolah tahfizkan mesti banyak gila kes-kes histeria macam ni.Agak-agaknya sebab apa ye.Baik,sebenarnya jin dan iblis ni dia memang suka kacau budak-budak tahfiz.Tapi tak semestinya budak tahfiz je tau kena.Budak sekolah asrama yang bukan aliran tahfiz pon antara yang selalu kena ganggu.   Baik,antara sebab kena ganggu,nampak benda bukan-bukan dan histeria ialah latar belakang keluarga dia.Mungkin,dia ada saka.Selalunya diri sendiri pon tak tahu.Tapi bila dah sekali kena ganggu.Jangan biarkan sahaja.Sebab perkara macambmacam inibini bukannya boleh dibiarkan sahaja.Bahaya tau.Boleh bawa maut kalau dibiarkan melarat sebab waktu jin dan iblis masuk dalam badan seseorang,dia kawal semua organ2 dalam badan.Terus pergi berubat.Kita boleh juga suruh ustaz yang kita berubat tu untuk buang saka.Sebab itulah orang yang kena rasuk ni selalu rasa letih,tak larat dan tak berdaya nak buat apa-apa.Ini berdasarkan pengalaman saya sendiri,saya selalu nampak orang yang kena ...

   Najah ni sekolah asrama.Dengar sekolah asrama pon dah seram sejuk.Histeria tu macam perkara wajib yang jadi dekat sekolah asrama.Masa masuk tahun pertama tu,tak de apa-apa lagi.Rasa tenang jer.Bila dah masuk tahun kedua,semua pelajar tingkatan 1 dah kena masuk bilik senior.Ni nak cerita ni.   Tilam kat asrama dua tingkat tau,najah dapat tingkat atas.Najah sebenarnya tak suka sangat tingkat atas.Tapi reda jelah.Alhamdulillah semua senior baik2 belaka and akak bawah katil najah sangat baik.Seronoklah jadi partner katil dia.   Tapi tulah akak tu ada something kat dia.Pada suatu hari najah nampak akak tu duduk kat luar tengah termenung.Time tu waktu senja.Najah panggil banyak kali tapi dia tak  jawab.'Akak,akak,akak tak dengar ke najah panggil'.Lepas panggil banyak kali barulah dia pandang.Katanya dia tak boleh sembahyang,ok takpelah.Habis je solat isyak najah pon nak balik dom,tiba2 nampak ramai orang berkumpul kat katil najah.Rupanya time tu akak tu dah bukan d...

  Semua orang pernah rasa marah bukan.Kadang- kadang tu rasa macam nak jerit biar satu dunia dengar.Sebenarnya,tak elok marah-marah ni,nanti cepat tua.Marah ni juga merupakan salah satu daripada sifat iblis tau.   Najah nak cerita sikit pengalaman najah.Kalau najahlah,najah bila marah,dia rasa macam nak menangis,nak jerit macam-macamlah.Memanglah sebab sebenarnya ni semua kerja iblis.So,perkara first yang korang kena buat ialah ingat Tuhan.Cuba istighfar banyak-banyak,tenangkan fikiran.   Tenangkan fikiran tu maksudnya kosongkan fikiran jangan fikir apa pon buat sementara waktu.Kalau waktu tu tengah berdiri duduk.Sebab tulah waktu kita berdoa,kita kena selalu minta YaTuhan,kurniakanlah nafsul mutmaiinnah kepada jiwaku dimana maksudnya hati yang tenang.   Kemudian,kalau tak reda2 lagi,pergilah ambil wuduk.Wuduk tu kenalah amik dengan penuh khusyuk.Hayati betul2.Last sekali,lepas dah istighfar,dah amik wuduk,solatlah sunat taubat.Minta ampun kat Allah.Waktu sujud yang ...