Sensitive 7 | Suffocated Bleed

(part promisely near to the promising 4 /4)

Every chance I'll get,

Away from all of everything,

I wanted to be left alone.. Even during classes, I went out, suffocated by people, irritated by the noises and surroundings. I couldn't focus with the thoughts and anxiety rulling over me so what's the point of staying? Never was I meant to be rude, skipping out only to aim for some air. Processing the calmness.

One time, my heart was pounding so fast (I felt like bursting) that I dashed-out in the middle of a lecture without even the thought of granting the Prof's permission. Tearing at one ends corner, I was totally clueless of the trigger.

You felt like everyone is taking you for granted. I felt like they've forgotten, I'm exactly just like them from the same matter.. I too, bleed when i fall down.. -- (Forgotten that our personas weren't sync at the moment).y

'STUPID'. Everytime I've been spitted by the 'S' word, I've felt like my every attempt is worthless. And being called by it regularly by words and gestures (like seriously, why did they make it that obvious?), I wish I was a dinosaur -- Extinct. Kill me instead bitch. I can't stand it. Being rewind all day long, you started to have nightmare on it. If only Amnesia was rather a pill.. I wonder if I've took it and begin anew?

Like, I would ponder, how smart do they think they are? And I've came up with my own answer of -- "Undeniably smarter than me I guess..", the internal monologue had me surrender. Often. Because I wasn't sure if my stupidity came from this unhealthy mind. Or really am I one.

I'm willing to invest on the health stocks. I wasted my bursary on suppliments and herbs, together with SSRI. Tell me. Hypericum perforatum, Gingko biloba, S-adenosyl methionine, coq10, Omega-3, Bcomplex, every vitamins -- [I could have became a pharmacist instead]. With the frequent shopping sprees (hoping) to release some dopamine, I ended up with not much of a savings.

I exhaust myself for others, hoping that those maybe could do the trick. That maybe if I achieved some sort of satisfaction I'll be okay. Maybe if I just ate everything I'll be okay. Maybe if I hold on a little longer , I'll be fine..

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