Sensitive 8 | Doctor Diary
Finally, the final.. (part 4/4)
The unhappy ending .
Life is not your favourite drama with your idolized actor. The extraordinary you were lucky enough to be an extra. -- Influencers be like .
In search for enthusiasm, I had been listening to them 24/7 until the end, I was kindda get them. Their speeches & podcasts, tho delivered by different people, same advices were uttered.
Reading. Personally, I sincerely think his orange publication was a whole new enlightenment for I love how he played with his words and plot that made me hang around for the next unexpected experience. And..
Writing. I've told my daily doings to my personal Dr, my lovely boyfriend, my diary. Everything from brushing my teeth till I slept over was being scribbled in my notebook along with my classes' notes, listening to my all. He was attentive.
Now, I had fun rereading him. Things & people I've forgotten being reminded again with details I can't reach with my core. Can't thank him much more for being a great part of my journey till I'm no longer in need of him anymore. :')
Walking. To drop a piece of anxiety in each step taken. Until. Well.. The bag was suddenly emptied.
IF ONLY my foundation in Beige came to its end, I'll be no longer imprisoned -- The speculation never seldom I had . But between the transition (the college appplying process), I've been gladly rejected by one.
REJECTION. Like the PlayStation's screen appears with the title GAME OVER and being Knocked-Out I was. Returning to my home country for good would be wise. I mean it wasn't even a famous institute. But my result wasn't even enough for those. Which is just.. I don't know how to express the severe disappointment.. I dare not to remember the play.
Because never there were my uppers who've been rejected by a third-rated college they've applied.
I was the only one. I was the first .
How could I handle the event? Apparently the frail me couldn't.. I don't know what to do and I've lost my one and only direction.. (literally lost them too when they were disbanded -- ohmy Zayn & Harry ☹️). Told my family and closest pals to fight my supreme worry. Were they listening but not at my present as I craved for a soul to be visually by my side.. The desire for a minute or less, a shoulder or a thigh to lean onto. Not just any. But one whom i want to. Shedding the reserved tank of tears.
I turned to Him and cried out loud. I told Him I can't bear and was in despair. In sujud I've remembered He gave me a sign. To trust Him and have faith of His beautiful plan.
From there I've got the courage and a little kid strength and told her that I can't set off to an island exclusively. I wasn't ready to be left anywhere solo. So I specifically ask if I could change the tradition. To turn 2 into 3 like a mission.
The moment she said yes, I saw the absolute beauty.. Of my worst result , and the lost opportunities.. The strong faith I had turned out to be true.. Till now and forever I'll be grateful ..
The unhappy ending .
Life is not your favourite drama with your idolized actor. The extraordinary you were lucky enough to be an extra. -- Influencers be like .
In search for enthusiasm, I had been listening to them 24/7 until the end, I was kindda get them. Their speeches & podcasts, tho delivered by different people, same advices were uttered.
Reading. Personally, I sincerely think his orange publication was a whole new enlightenment for I love how he played with his words and plot that made me hang around for the next unexpected experience. And..
Writing. I've told my daily doings to my personal Dr, my lovely boyfriend, my diary. Everything from brushing my teeth till I slept over was being scribbled in my notebook along with my classes' notes, listening to my all. He was attentive.
Now, I had fun rereading him. Things & people I've forgotten being reminded again with details I can't reach with my core. Can't thank him much more for being a great part of my journey till I'm no longer in need of him anymore. :')
Walking. To drop a piece of anxiety in each step taken. Until. Well.. The bag was suddenly emptied.
IF ONLY my foundation in Beige came to its end, I'll be no longer imprisoned -- The speculation never seldom I had . But between the transition (the college appplying process), I've been gladly rejected by one.
REJECTION. Like the PlayStation's screen appears with the title GAME OVER and being Knocked-Out I was. Returning to my home country for good would be wise. I mean it wasn't even a famous institute. But my result wasn't even enough for those. Which is just.. I don't know how to express the severe disappointment.. I dare not to remember the play.
Because never there were my uppers who've been rejected by a third-rated college they've applied.
I was the only one. I was the first .
How could I handle the event? Apparently the frail me couldn't.. I don't know what to do and I've lost my one and only direction.. (literally lost them too when they were disbanded -- ohmy Zayn & Harry ☹️). Told my family and closest pals to fight my supreme worry. Were they listening but not at my present as I craved for a soul to be visually by my side.. The desire for a minute or less, a shoulder or a thigh to lean onto. Not just any. But one whom i want to. Shedding the reserved tank of tears.
I turned to Him and cried out loud. I told Him I can't bear and was in despair. In sujud I've remembered He gave me a sign. To trust Him and have faith of His beautiful plan.
From there I've got the courage and a little kid strength and told her that I can't set off to an island exclusively. I wasn't ready to be left anywhere solo. So I specifically ask if I could change the tradition. To turn 2 into 3 like a mission.
The moment she said yes, I saw the absolute beauty.. Of my worst result , and the lost opportunities.. The strong faith I had turned out to be true.. Till now and forever I'll be grateful ..
(MDD journey 9/2016 - 2/2018)
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